Tinyhammer: Home Invasion
by Gaslight88
Summary: I am a simple man of simple desires. I just want to get a good paying job, settle down with a nice girl, and be able to drink whiskey and shoot off my guns every once in awhile. So why the hell do I have armies of demented and fanatical soldiers in my house? I got nids eating my food, techpriests praying to my toaster, and you don't want to know what chaos is doing on the dark web.
1. House Warming 'Gift'

**Welcome to the beginning of my new story I hope readers of old and new enjoy this little story I have wanted to write for a long time, but enough about that you want to get to the story so without further adieu let's begin the first chapter of Tinyhammer: Home Invasion.**

Normal speech

Thinking speech

Orky speech iz bestest speech ya gitz

Daemon speech of Nurgle, **Khorne** , TzEeNTcH, _and Slaanesh._

* * *

Chapter 1: House Warmer

Bellum IV, Aurora System, Malleus Sector, Segmentum Pacificus,

Cira. 893 of the 41st millennium

The Magos had studied the calculations now for the past five minutes, double and triple checking his calculations and the data he has gathered. His bionic optical sensors focusing and unfocusing on the data before him, after coming to the end of his calculations the Magos let out a low sound like steam escaping a tube as a way of sighing. "Shall I go and request a frigate for evac m'lord?" asked the Techpriset beside him, his voice monatoned and computerized.

"No, I have gone over the calculations, at most we have 20 terran minutes, it would be of no use we barely have enough time to relay this information to the other forces," the Magos answered his voice a low graded in sound, far more mechanical sounding than the younger techpriests.

"It has been the highest of honors serving under you m'lord, may we link up with the Omnissiah," said the Techpriest.

"May we link up with the Omnissiah," replied the Magos solemnly.

As the many battles raged on in the sky's, the lands, and the space of the Aurora system. The once yellow star of the system slowly turned and pulsated with white eldritch power, and within the span of 10 minutes, the entire star system is obliterated in one fell swoop. And another battle that began for little more than one world that had spread to the entire system ends not with roars of guns or the yells of victory, but with a whimper and without a trace.

OR DID IT?

* * *

Terra, Sol System, Sol Sector, Segmentum Solar

Circa. _[Error]_ of the 3rd millennium

My name is Lucifer Jäger, and no that's not a stage name my parents literally named me that. This is why you should not be high while writing a birth certificate. Besides the naming habits of my parents, I am a 22-year-old living in the Midwestern city of Blackborow. And if you must know I am about 6'2, with black shaggy hair and currently sporting a goatee. I have a mild athletic build with a slightly tanned complexion.

I had just gotten back from my job over at a local retail firm and am about to enter my grandfather's summer home. A three story and a basement and a sub-basement home. That includes the attic by the way. My grandfather is one of the heads of a major corporation know as Tactica Tec, a security and arms manufacturer. And currently, I am watching his home while I attend the local university. I slowly walk up to the house as I see light flashing in the window. _That's weird I didn't leave the TV on did I_? I think. As I open the door a blur of fur runs past me and into the bushes.

"Buck the hell's gotten into you?" I question my dog. Buck is a good old mutt with short rust-colored fur with slightly darker fur around his eyes. Long thinly furred tail and slightly dropped ears. He's about the size of your average retriever, and currently, he's hiding in the bushes next to the house. "What's got you spooked boy, did I leave the TV on the military channel again?" I ask. Last time I did that he had ran halfway down the road before he realized he wasn't being shot at.

All he does is whimper at me as I head inside and what I saw made me question if I got slipped something at work. All around be muzzle flashes and beams of light were thrown about. Aircraft fighting near the chandelier and the booms of tanks and artillery could be heard. Flashes of explosions and screams of pain and anger could be heard throughout the house. At this point I grab my flashlight I keep next to the door, turn it on and yell out one phrase that gets everybody's attention.

"What the hell is going on here!" I yell as all fighting stopped.

* * *

"Sargent get on that heavy bolter and give those men some covering fire dammit," said Imperial General Warren Stance his gruff voice filled with determination. Stance is a tall clean-shaven man and the only blemish on his face was a three-clawed scar he had earned when fighting Dark Eldar Beastmasters. He was dressed in his general's attire complete with his large fur long coat, wearing standard green imperial guard fatigues, and black military boots. Equipped with his lightning claws and a storm bolter strapped to his left forearm. If the man old grizzled face did not convey the decades of service he has participated in, then the many metals and purity seals would.

Currently, the general was trying to get the vox network operational to help get in contact with the rest of his men. Ever since they were teleported to this Emperor damned place, they have not been able to contact the rest of the imperial guard forces. He knew his men were alive, due to seeing the flashes of lasfire off in the distance. When he and the Cadian 425th tried to cross these strange wood-like land they were ambushed by a Tau gun line stationed ahead with Kroot auxiliary nearby. Although the xenos scum had the advantage of distance the grooves of the land helped as impromptu trenches and if it's one thing the guard are good at it's holding their position and firing into the enemy. The enemy in a chase to try and get to a better position sent a rabid Great Knarloc to try and let the Kroot advance into melee. But the beast was put down with the combination of a lasgun fire to the face and a missile barrage from a Vulture strafing run. Some of the guardsmen advanced to the corpse of the beast to be the first to gain round, but are under fire from all sides and can barely fire back into the enemy.

"General we have successfully re-established vox communications with the rest of our forces, the Armageddon 213th and the Krieg 408th are positioned ahead of us and are currently boxed in by Dark Eldar forces," the Vox Operator continued. "They are being reinforced by the Sisters of the White Roses, they say they can hold out due to the Valkyrie bombing runs but their not sure for how long,". "Also the Catachan 56th are positioned in some area blocked off by what appears to be an invisible force field of some sort, they are currently defending against Orks as we speak," the Operator finished.

"It would seem we have our work cut out for us General," spoke the refined voice of Commissar Edward Ward. Commissar Ward had been with the general for years and had been somewhat of his personal right-hand man. He had been going up and down the line making sure the moral was at a decent level. "I would say we could use some mechanical support General, where are the Knights of the house of Lannister currently Operator?" he asked weiding his chainsword and firing his laspistol.

"I have raised them on the vox they say there about 20 clicks from our position, they are currently wading through a swarm of Tyranids," the operator said.

"You heard him men, the Knights are on the way all we have to do is hold the line," said Stance. "Sir yes sir," said the guardsmen before him in unison.

Suddenly there was a huge flash of light coming from their left and a distinctly human voice shouting, "What the hell is going on here!".

* * *

"Die xeno," shouts Willhelm Bleier, second brother-captain of the Imperial Fists as he bashes another Ork with his thunder hammer. He is clad head to toe in Imperial Fist Mk7 "Aquila" armor his helmet lost during the beginnings of the campaign. He and the rest of his brothers were in the middle of an Eldar ambush when the star had exploded engulfing them and sending them to this strange realm. The Eldar had disappeared and had been replaced by Orks, all in all not that big of a difference just replacing one xenos for another.

"Captain Bleier what is the situation," asked Ultramarine (Please save your rage for the review) Librarian Marcus Ultoris.

"Well mister high and mighty, we have been fighting these greenskin pansies for the last 20 minutes while you have been Allfather know's were you and the rest of your blueberry brigade where," spoke Wolf Priest Tyr Lothbrok, the marine currently cutting down another Ork with his axe and clad in terminator armor.

"Careful wolf or there will be more than xenos blood spilt this day," threatened Ultoris, the two of them holding contempt for each other since the beginning of the campaign.

"Please brothers we have bigger problems to attend to then fighting amongst each other," said Asad Ibn-La'Ahad, a Techmarine of the Salamanders.

"Asad is right we must focus on purging the heretics and xenos and finding the other imperial forces instead of…," before Blood Angels Apothecary Michael Garrett could finish a blinding light was shined upon them and a voice was heard saying.

"What the hell is going on here!".

* * *

"Autarch we have successfully retrieved our fellow warriors as well as the Bonesingers that were caught in the blast," reported a Dire Avenger.

"Excellent have everyone ready to head into the webway gate as soon as it is up then we can get out of this place, this battle is already far too costly for my liking," ordered Autarch Ilamoth and current commander of the warhost of craftworld Fari-Enad, as marked by his ornate grey encrusted with large ruby red stones at the joints of his armor. They were first tasked with simply hiding their craftworld from the mon'keigh so as to make necessary repairs. But then it seemed every single enemy of their past had come out to get revenge of some sort. First the brutish orks, then the immortal enemy, then the naive Tau and their dark brethren as well. And if that was not enough the great devourer and the Necrons had also appeared upon the same worlds they were on as well. Truly this had gone on for long enough and as well they needed to gain contact with the craftworld, they had been able to escape the blast due to the distraction Ilamoth's forces had caused but they have not heard anything from them since they have arrived here.

"Ilamoth I am sensing a great deal of psychic energy coming in close proximity to our location," said Fari-Enad Farseer Taenar currently without her helmet, her eyes glowing in psychic power and her long red hair moving slightly due to her power. Before Ilamoth could respond a loud and brutish sound of a mon'keigh voice was heard.

"What in the hell is going on here!".

* * *

I swear after I yelled that it seemed like you could hear a pin drop. But the newfound silence was gone as soon as I heard a voice with a bad cockney accent. "Oi ya 'der git, weez gonna smash ya gud, cumz on Boyz is'jus an' ova sized 'ummie WAAAGGH!" screamed a green little creature covered in metal plates. As the creature came charging at my foot his arm was apparently attached to a gun as I could feel twinges of pain against my leg. Little more than a mosquito bite but nonetheless annoying. So as soon as he got a little closer and tried hacking at my boot with an axe, I proceeded to lift my foot up and bring it down on the little bugger. A brief "O zog," was here by a following wet squishing sound.

"'E jus kilt Warboss Bad'axz," another of the green creatures said.

Before I could even question the creatures a metal robot about the size of a toddler walked out from the bathroom. "And just what are you packing tiny?" I question the metal toddler.

"A Mars pattened Plasma Destructor xeno," the toddler spoke through loudspeakers.

 _Wait what?_ I think as the weapon on its right arm charged up as a blue ball of plasma. The toddler fired its weapon and hit me the shoulder, I reeled back against the door and dropped my flashlight. The damned thing burned my skin and felt like it nearly took my arm off.

I upholstered my concealed cared 1911 and fired at the robotic toddler before it could charge up its weapon again. _Click, ting_ , _reload,_ I think as the first shot hit the thing but it seems that some sort of energy field was protecting it, although by how it was flicking I would say another shoot would take it out. _Click, ting_ , _reload,_ another hit and this time the force field goes down. _Click, ting_ , _reload_ , I hit it near its head and the thing comes back and I shoot again and hit its body and the thing falls over while trying to catch itself.

As I walk forward to the downed machine I see a tiny robot-like man step out of a hatch. "Stop we surrender, we are willing to begin negotiations," He said with his arms raised. Before I could ask any questions the man was tackled by a soldier in large yellow armor.

* * *

"What in the Emperor's name are you thinking Magos!" Ordered Captain Bleier.

"That weapon took out are void shields within a matter of seconds, not to mention almost ripping the titan's armor apart on impact do you really think we could stand ageist that think without an entire legion of Titans," replied Magos Alexander Tesla.

Bleier thought for a moment and looked warily at the giant xeno. "Fine Magos we will try this your way," replied Bleier knowing full well they had little chance of felling the beast.

"Excellent, now titan we ask you to let us begin negotiations," Alexander spoke to the Xeno through the vox speakers.

"Um sure we will begin negotiations at the dining table over there," the Xeno said pointing to the large plateau-like structure far from the entryway where the beast appeared. "Round up your forces and wounded and meet me there you have 20 minutes to do so," said the titan as he left into the chamber to his right.

"Do not be surprised if he plans on adding us to his stew cogboy," spoke Bleier warily.

* * *

After 20 minutes of gathering up the other forces around the house and threatening a few with my pistol, I had managed to get the "minis" as I had dubbed them unto the table. To say it was hostile was an understatement all the armies were looking at each other with suspicion and itchy trigger fingers. "Ok to start off I am Lucifer Jäger, and no before you ask that is not a stage name of any sort it was the name I was born with," I say to the minis as a lot of them either ignore it or are just confused by what I've said. "I'm gonna need to know who is in charge of each of you so will go from left to right so you guys first," I say and point to the guys clad in heavy armor and wielding guns bigger than most of the men next to them.

Five figures stepped forward each clad in different colors than the other. "I am Brother-Captain Wilhelm Bleier of the Imperial Fist legion and Force Commander of the Space Marines sent to hold the Aurora System," spoke the newly named Bleier.

The others soon stepped forward and stated who they are. The blue one spoke first his armor detailed and ornate with dozens of seals and scriptures on it. "I am Librarian Marcus Ultoris of the Ultramarines, lead expert on archaic tomes and warp phenomenon," Marcus said proudly.

The next was a large man wear wolf pelts on his much more bulky armor, he reminded me of a Viking. "Wolf Priest Tyr Lothbrok of the Space Wolves, don't wear it out titan" spoke the Viking esk marine, while rude I have dealt with worse.

The next was a tall figure clad in green armor but his had two large mechanical arms on the back and his helmet had a secondary visor over his left eye. "Techmarine Asad Ibn-La'Ahad of the Salamanders, please forgive my battle brothers they are just.." the green armored marine tried to say before I cut him off.

"Suspicious?" I answer and all he could do was nod in agreement.

The last of these 'Space Marines" was a man in mostly white armor with red accents, at best I could tell he was a medic although why a medic needs a drill as long as his forearm I don't know. "Apothecary Michael Garrett of Blood Angels chapter ready to perform the Emperor's duty," said Michael, short sweet and to the point I like him already.

"Our Current force is around 1,543 battle brothers at the ready," spoke Willhelm.

"Ok thank you for that now you guys," I spoke to the closest thing I had seen to a military that I was used too. Seven figures stepped forward,

"I am Imperial General Warren Stance of the 425th Cadian Shock Troops and lead commander of the Imperial guard forces of the Aurora campaign," said Stance. He then pointed to the group before him a man wearing a large overcoat and a vaguely Soviet esk hat his eyes looking over to the men in green armor as if waiting for one of them to try something, and a women dressed in a brown coat and holding onto a staff.

"These are Commissar Edward Ward who is in charge of moral and sanctioned Psyker Elisabeth Ripley here to send messages to the Adeptus Astra Telepathica," Stance said. The man nodded his head as to try and be polite and I returned the gesture.

 _Hello there, Mr. Jäger, I am Elisabeth and as I am a psyker I can communicate through thoughts_ , said apparently Elisabeth. Before I could question the other four figures stepped forward.

One that reminded me of a German WW1 soldier gas mask and all, another guy that looked like he was trying to be an American Vietnam-era soldier mixed with some Rambo, one that looked like a German soldier from WW2, and the last was a women in what would seem to be a mix of a flight suit and paratrooper gear.

They each gave a salute by either closing their fist and putting it to their chest or giving me the hand to forehead salute, while the women did a slight curtsey.

"Quartermaster Braun Feuer of the 408th Death Korps of Krieg, specializing in siege warfare," said the gas mask mook whose voice was severely distorted by the ragged gas mask.

"Tank Commander Albert Wittmann of the 213 Armageddon Steel Legion, in charge of all armored military vehicles of the Imperial Guard sir," he said in a formal military tone.

"At ease soldier," I tell him as to try and get him to relax. While he doesn't speak I do see him loosen up instead of being as stiff as a board.

"Wing Commander Alison Marley of the 105th Elysian Drop Troops, head of all air operations and infantry support," she said.

Next was the Rambo impersonator. He had it all from the red sash tied to his head to the open-chested ripped up military camo jacket, hell he probably would have past for Sylvester Salone if his skin wasn't bronzed. "Sargent James Henry of the 56th Catachan Jungle Fighters, I specialize in recon, tactical operations, and kicking Xenos ass," spoke James as he sharpened his knife that's damn near the size of his thigh.

"Currently are forces are about 3,456 men in total," spoke Stance as he lit a cigar

"Alright then next," I say as four figures approached. Two of them were wearing long coats and carrying pistols with them, one was male the other was female. The male had black slicked-back hair and sported a slight grin on his face. While the women had long black hair and sported a slight scowl as if detested by the man's presence. Next to them were a white-haired woman in armor and a larger being in full grey armor wielding a sword and a shield.

"I am Inquisitor Lasander Thawn of the Ordo Xenos and this is by associate Inquisitor Petra Dawn of the Ordo Malleus we hold power over the forces of the Deathwatch, Officio Assassinorum, and the Militarum Tempestus," spoke Thawn his voice high and mighty, cleary from a noble background.

"I am Canoness Victoria Argento of the White Rose chapter of the Sister of Battle, we are here to purge the unclean in holy fire" spoke Victoria, her voice proud and fanatical.

"I am Justicar Allan Mox, leader of the Grey Knights forces in the Aurora System," said Mox his voice synthesized by his helmet.

"All together are forces are around 1,254 in manpower," spoke Thawn

As I waved them away we came onto our next representative is from the guys who look like they came from a cyberpunk convention. "Greeting Lord Jäger, I am Magos Alexander Tesla of the Adeptus Mechanicus and I am in command of the forces of the Skitarii, Collegia Titanica, Centurio Ordinatus, Legio Cybernetica, and the Knight Houses," Alexander continued. "Our current forces are currently 568 troops in biological and cybernetically enhanced troops, counting in robotic assistants that puts us at 1,354 in total,". I nodded and motioned the next to step forward.

Three new beings came forward two bearing a grey and red color scheme while the last was wearing blue and light purple in what could be comparable to a jester outfit if it wasn't for the long coat and purple sash. "I am Autarch Ilamoth leader of the warhost of Fari-Enad and this mon'keigh is Farseer Taenar," spoke Ilamoth with a high and mighty tone.

 _Did he just call me a monkey_? I slightly question in my head.

 _Yes, that would be an apt translation,_ speaks a voice on my head _._

 _Let me guess you're the Farseer_ , I think.

 _Very good mon'keigh, I had not realized you're kind could understand the process of elimination_ , she spoke to me sarcastically.

"Alright you little shits we stop with the whole mon'keigh crap now or do we have to negotiate by cruder means," I say as I place my 1911 on the table.

"Fine mon..I mean human," the Autarch corrects himself.

"And you would be?" I ask the circus performer.

"I am Solitaire Idego leader of this troupe of Harlequins," he said through his mask, in all honesty, the guy creeped me out a little.

"And we currently have around 1,204 (Dying race my ass) Eldar in total," spoke Taenar this time out loud.

"Ok then who's the leader for you guys," I say pointing at the green creatures that had first attacked me. I had to originally round them all up and smash a few that were being a bit rowdy. But like machines, a little percussive maintenance can do wonders for organic beings as well. One of the guys was pushed towards the front and left to say.

"Uh dat would be ya boss," the one pushed up to the was much like the rest he had crude red and black slabs of metal for armor and was carrying around the most ramshackled gun I had ever seen.

"What do you mean by that?" I ask.

"What the Ork means is that since you have killed their warboss and some of the others that tried to be warboss, you are now their warboss," Willhelm shouted from the rest of the space marines.

"Right like 'da 'umie said sense yer smash 'da otha Boyz up yer iz now 'da boss," said the Ork.

"Hmm what is your name," I question the Ork.

"Lead'end Skullmuncha" said the Skullmuncha.

"Well Skullmuncha since you have been so helpful I am gonna make you my second in command, which means when I'm not around your in charge of the rest of the boys understand," I say.

"Ya mean i get ta be 'da boss too," he asked like a kid getting told he's about to get that toy he has been begging for.

"Yep as long as you know who is in charge got it," I say threateningly as to get the point across.

"I understandz boss, yer da boss," Skullmuncha says.

"Good is their anyone else in your group I should know about?" I ask the Ork.

"Jus Dok Bonetrashah, an' Mekboy Smatgrom, an' Weirdboy Killboila, an…," before he could continue I interrupted him before were here all day.

"Alright, I get it now how many of you are there?" I ask.

"'Der only wun uv me boss," he says.

"No, I mean how many Orks are there?" I ask.

"Oh 'der a lot us," he says.

I facepalm. "Ok super helpful now why don't you go back to the rest of the boys while I finish up with this," I tell him and he walks back over to the rest of the Orks.

"Who's next?" I ask as two figures walk over. One is inside a large mech suit and the other an old looking blue alien holding a staff and dressed in ornate robes.

"Greetings Gue'la I am Aun'O Mal'caor but you may call me Spider and this is Shas'O Shaka or in your language Commander Shadowstrike," says Spider as he points to the large yellow and white armored figure.

"Greetings human, there are currently 1,593 warriors of the Tau empire here," says Shadowstrike

"Greetings as well it's nice to have see some of you can be civil, now onto the next representative," I say as Spider and Shadowstrike leave and are replaced by a giant four-armed bug lizard, a four-armed hairless creature with a bulbous head, and a bald dude with a staff and ornate red robes.

 _Seriously what is with all the high-end decorative crap, I think being tactical would be better than being fashionable_ , I think.

"Greetings Lucifer, I am the Magus but if you would like you may call me Lucas, I help shepherd the Brood," said Lucas in a silvery tongued preacher voice.

"Uh-ha and these two would be?" I say pointing to the two whatever the hell these things are.

"This is the Patriarch he is the leader of the Brood and this is the Swarmlord of Hive Fleet Tannin," Lucas counties. "There are 3,489 of the combined forces of the Tyranids and Genestealer Cult as the Imperials have decided to call us," He says as the Swarmlord lets out a screech of what I can assume is acknowledgment. Speaking of which the thing is wielding four large crystal like swords and is colored orange on its outer carapace and dark blue on its inner, with glowing yellow eyes.

"Ok then to save time I refer to the swarmlord as Tannin," I say as the newly named Tannin just walks away as if in agreement.

As I am about to call for the next a single Egyptian like metallic skeleton with glowing green eyes, a scaly cloak, and wielding a staff that has one end pulsating green energy appears in a flash of lighting. "I am Phaeron Sahumkah human, there are currently 1,438 Necron and Necron platforms online," Sahumkah says as he disperses back into the newly named Necrons in another flash of green lighting.

"Okay then on to the next group," I say.

Two figures walk over one a dark black armor with spikes on his soldiers, no helmet so I can see his pale face and long black ponytail. The other is s a male I think it's hard to make out with the three slitted white mask, he also has to artificial arms that appear to look like bones and one of his hands has a series of syringes on it each syringe containing different colored liquid. "I am Archon Drara and this is Haemonculus Ourabros of the Dark Eldar Kabal of the Envied Heart, currently we have 1,325warriors at Our disposal," he said impassively like this was a mere distraction from better tasks.

"Alright then on to the last group,"

Five figures step forward all clad in armor similar to the space marines. One blood red in color and covered in spikes, another more regal looking wearing blue Egyptian themed armor. The third was a little disgusting, to say the least, he looked like he had been rolled through a dumpster and dipped in a waste facility. The fourth was clad in purple ornate armor with golden trims, but that's where the beauty stopped for his face was mutated and had two large purple horns growing out of it as well as his skin being a purplish hue. And the last was clad in black armor with a large eight-pointed star in the middle.

"I am Lord Zythor, Dark Apostle of the Word Bearers Legion," spoke Zythor, his voice deep and gruff. "With me are Plague Champion Kregral of the Death Guard," Zythor said pointing at the green disease ridden marine. " Daemon Prince of Slaanesh Chenmus of the Emperor's Children," he said pointing to the mutated purple marine that had been staring at me with predatory eyes. "Sorcerer Malmek of the Thousand Sons," he said pointing to the blue Egyptian esk marine. "And finally we have Chaos Lord Rudel of the World Eaters," he said pointing to the last of the five and the most twitch of them all. "In total, we have around 1,483 heretics, mutants, and demons at our beck and call," he finishes as he and the other four return back to the rest of their faction.

"Ok now that that's over with, can any of you tell me how the hell you got here?" I ask. Big mistake cause as soon as I did it was one big argument over who brought who here. _This is gonna be a long night_ , I thought

* * *

 **Welp this chapter is done, I really hope you guys like the story. I know this first part wasn't that interesting, but we have to introduce the characters now so we don't have to do this exposition bullshit later.**

 **But don't worry the next chapter I will try and make as funny as possible. In all honesty, I have always wanted to do one of these stories, I loved about every Tinyhammer I have ever read. And I think a tiny part of ourselves would love to be in this scenario.**

 **But until next time stay classy true believers.**


	2. A Miniature Story

**Hello everyone and welcome to another chapter of Tinyhammer: Home Invasion.**

 **Now time for questions**

 **Nero Angelo Sparda:** Ya sorry about that I didn't do the best job of going over it when I had uploaded it and it also doesn't help likes to mess with stuff for no reason sometimes for me. It was pretty late on my end and I just wanted to get it out there. I went back and fixed some of it to make sure it was more spaced out.

 **LordGhostStriker:** Ask and thou shalt receive

 **And that was our only one so I thank the rest of you for saying that you like the chapter so thanks for that.**

Normal speech

Thinking speech

Orky speech iz bestest speech ya gitz

Daemon and daemon prince speech of Nurgle, **Khorne** , TzEeNTcH, _and Slaanesh._

* * *

Chapter 2: A Miniature Story

 **Governor's Courters (Master Bedroom)**

My alarm goes off as I groggily wake up from my sleep. As I try and hit the damn thing it suddenly shuts off. "Ah thank you," I say to no one.

"You are welcome Governor Jäger," a voice says to me. I open my eyes to find little armored Space Marines calling, trying to hall stuff up to my dresser.

 _Fuck they weren't a dream, after all_ , I think. I was hoping they were some expired Chinese takeout dream or something. "Guys didn't I tell you to set up shop in my workout room instead of my bedroom," I say. "But would it not be more logical to watch over you in case any of the xenos try anything," said Force Commander Willhelm as he walked to the edge of the dresser.

I sigh and say "While I appreciate your concern I think I'll be fine, besides I would rather not have you guys watching me as I sleep it's kind of creepy," I say.

Willhelm looks down slightly as he was probably wanting to fortify this position. "Very well Governor we will be setting up our monastery inside your training hall," he says as the rest of the marines begin to hall the remaining equipment out of my room. Also, the imperial forces for some reason had decided to give me the title of governor, since in their mind this is 'my world'.

 _In all honesty, I am surprised the house didn't cave in from any in fighting last night considering it was a complete and utter mess_ , I think.

* * *

 **Last Night at the Dining Room Table**

As soon as I said those words the little shits started arguing over who brought who her. "It had to have been the mon'keigh messing with some technology again," said Farseer Taenar.

"Us Eldar, your kind are known for this level of trickery," said Wolf Priest Tyr Lothbrok.

"No this has to be foul heretical magic at work," said Canoness Victoria Argento.

"This was not are doing Imperial dog," said Sorcerer Malmek his voice distorted to sound as if it were echoing from a distant cave.

"I'z fink it waz.." Skullmuncha tried to say before I clapped my hands together casing some of them to hang on to their vehicles and others to cover their ears.

"Now that I have your undivided attention one at a time tell me how this whole mess started," I say about ready to lose my patience.

General Stance decided to go first. "It all started when Imperial Navy vessels were calling in about a large Ork waagh was heading for the Aurora System,". "The 425th Cadian regiment was stationed in the system as it was a huge strategic point due to its large agri and forge worlds," Stance continued. "Due to the system size and the forces of the waagh we were in need of reinforcements,".

"That is where mine and the space marine battalion come in," Willhelm said deciding to interject. "Originally the Imperial Fists were going to be the only ones to help the system, but then we reserved reading and messages that a new hive fleet, Hive Fleet Tannin were heading on a direct path for the system," Willhelm continued.

"And so, in turn, you needed to reinforce your forces with other chapters or suffer taking your entire force and sacrificing the ability to cover your back door," I say understanding the logic as I was taught tactics in the military.

"Correct, but having multiple commanders would make communications hectic so it was decided that I was to be Force Commander of this campaign," Willhelm replied.

"In turn to the marines we were also supported by the multiple forces of imperial regiments, as you have already met their respective representatives," said Stance.

"Ok that explains four of you but what about the rest?" I ask.

"Like the general said the system was a major strategic point home to 8 worlds that were specifically founded to fuel the Imperium, one such world was the Forge World Bellum IV," said Magos Alexander Tesla.

"What was so important about that world in particular," I ask.

"Bellum IV was home to not only the Knightly House of Lannister but also a major production facility for producing titans," he replied. _Ah yes, the metallic toddler, I can see why they would want to keep it_ , I think.

"Yes the mon'keigh have their crude reasons ours are more refined than that," said Autarch Ilamoth.

"Alright then space elves what's your reason?" I ask throwing in an insult their way insultingly.

"Well if you must know an ancient artifact was hidden long ago under one of the planets, naturally we had retrieved the artifact without much resistance," Ilamoth continued. "But we could not escape fast enough before the pawns of the dark gods hit are craftworld, so in turn, we were forced to take the artifact planetside to drawn their focus away from are craftworld," he finished.

"Ok two things, one you guys are gonna give me a dictionary or something on a lot of these things I have no idea about and second what did this artifact do?" I ask.

It was then that Lord Zythor decided to speak up. "The artifact was known as the Timewever, an ancient artifact rumored to have been created before the birth of the dark gods, it was said to cast the ability to weave through the fabric of time and travel to the past and the future," he said. "We were tasked by Warmaster Abaddon himself to retrieve the artifact by any means necessary, as to help him prepare for his next Black Crusade," he finished. _Seriously what the hell is with all this stuff that I don't know what they are_ , I think (Ya trying to explain 40K to a newbie is always a little confusing and overwhelming at points).

"Yes with the heretics invasion of the system, the Order of the White Rose was sent to defend the shrine world Orationis," said Victoria. "We were also received aid from the Grey Knights as well to help with the large amounts of demonic abomination," she finished.

"Yes also speaking of the artifact the Inquisition sent the two of us to retrieve the device as well," said Inquisitor Dawn. "We were also sent in to investigate the rumors that one of the planets Mortis V was a Tomb world, and unfortunately those rumors were correct," said Inquisitor Thawn.

"We were only awoken due to the devourer's minions creeping around are tombs," spoke Phaeron Sahumkah.

"Yes your appearance was a surprise to us, but nonetheless you would have fallen to the Swarm," said Magus Lucus. "We were on the world to herald the hive fleets arrival and to pick the most opportune moment for devouring the system," Lucus spoke.

"And since there was already a large mass of Orks on the way you decided that now was a good time to ring the dinner bell," I say already figuring out that these guys are space locusts from context clues.

"You are correct Lucifer," he says.

"Ok, that just leaves you two so what's your guy's excuses?" I ask the Tau and Dark Eldar forces.

"We arrived in the system to try and add it to the empire for the greater good," says Ethereal Spider.

"And so with the Imperial forces occupied with the Orks, Tyranids, Eldar, Chaos, and Necrons, you thought you could sweep the chess board clean in one fell swoop?" I ask for it's a bold strategy and one that would work if the other armies were focusing their forces on each other.

"As they say 'the patient hunter, gets the prey'(Internet cookie to whoever can figure out where that quote is from)," said Spider.

"Yes well we were in the system to try and capture some unique specimens for are gladiatorial pits and as well as to capture some of are craftworld kin," spoke Archon Drara.

"Really that's it just capture some victims for gladiatorial games?" I ask as it seems to simple.

"It is not every day you find such a huge conflicted filled with so many armies, it would be oh so easy to snatch as many as we wanted in all the confusion," Drara said. I have to agree if it was their goal to capture some of the other forces troops it would be easy with all the battles taking place.

"But that still doesn't explain _how_ you got here," I say.

"I can explain that," said Alexander. "You see the system's star had been shifting in warp energy for a long time and would have eventually gone supernova within the next 10 years," he continues. "But recently the star had been experiencing increased amounts of as of yet unknown energy,". "And as we predicted the star went supernova with 20 minutes of our calculations," Alexander finished.

"You knew the star would explode cogboy and you said nothing about it!" spoke Tyr.

"Even if we were able to relay the message to all our forces, we would barely have enough time to get a ship near the planets let alone enter warp travel," Alexander retorted.

"Ok, but why did the star exploded in the first place, if you're saying the star would have been stable for the next 10 years then something must..have..quickened its death," I say coming to a realization on how this all happened.

"Question Ilamoth, what happened to the Timeweaver?" I ask the space elf.

"It was destroyed," he says quickly.

"Destroyed how?" I say leaning in as I know what he did.

"I don't think I need to say anything..," he tries to say before I cut him off.

"You through it into the star didn't you?". He doesn't say a world obviously realizing he is caught red-handed.

"Well now I know who to blame for this mess," I say to no one.

"Alright Titan besides the Eldar frak up, it's time you answered some questions, where are we for one," spoke Tyr.

"You're on Earth," I say.

Gasps from some of the human forces sound out. "You mean we are on holy Terra, quick what decade is it?" asks Alexander.

"Right now it's in the late 2010s," I reply.

"That must explain what happened the Timeweaver must have sent us back to an age far before the Emperor made his appearance," spoke Alexander. "Think of the historical data we can recover," he says to no one.

"Forget the data Magos how would we get back to the 41st millennium," asks Techmarine Asad.

Magos looks down slightly. "I'm afraid that without the device that caused this there is no way to return to our time," he says. All around multiple factions start to whisper about what I assume they are gonna have to do.

 _Damn, I am gonna hate myself for this_ , I think. "Alright look, until you find an alternative way to leave, you may all take sanctuary in my home," I continue. "I will give you shelter and provide materials and nourishment, but I have some rules that will need to be followed,".

"First no fighting, I don't want a huge warzone going on every single day and before you say anything I don't care who has done what to who, I'm not says you have to hug and be friends but you all can at least ignore each other and keep to your own domain," I say as a few of the army's either aww like kids not getting any candy or just grumble about purging or maiming.

"Second any of you who start any fighting, you will lose all rights and any faction that wishes to will be free to attack you," I continue. "Third do not let any other humans my size see you if they do you will probably experimented on or crushed under their feet,". "And fourth any projects you want to do need to be talked over with me understand," I finish.

There was a pregnant pause before any of leaders come together and discuss it amused themselves. Each of the little groups begin to break up and begin to speak their decision. "The forces of the Imperium are under your care Governor Jäger," says Wilhelm.

I look to the Eldar. "We will agree to your terms human," says Ilamoth.

I look to the Orks, already knowing the answer. "Youz iz da boss," Skullmancha said.

I look at the Tau. "We are in your hands Commander Lucifer," says Spider. _Already giving me military ranking, these guys are trying to butter me up_ , I think.

I turn to the Tyranids. "The Swarm and the Cult are under your watchful eye Lord Lucifer," says Lucus. _And again with the flattery_ , I think.

I turn my gaze to the Necrons. "We will stay in this place for now," speaks Sahumkah.

Then I look at the Dark Eldar. "We shall agree to your terms, for now, human," speaks Drara.

And finally, I look at Chaos. "We shall follow the terms until we leave this realm," speaks Zythor his voice filled with contempt.

I smile seeing that my plan for peace has been achieved if it's at least a little bit. "Ok now time to talk about which rooms you will be staying," I say.

* * *

 **Present Day**

As I make my way out of my bedroom I have to make way for the tanks and troop transports driving about.

As I try and walk forward I almost kick a sentinel or as I like to call it a 'chicken walker'. "Governor please be wary you almost stepped on me," says Stance as he stands in the vehicle.

"Sorry about that but you guys be mindful not to get to close to my feet," I say as I walk down the hall.

The Imperial Guard had been stationed to take residence in the second-floor hallway to as they put it 'Keep the xenos pinned with bullets and bombs' in case they tried anything. The little guys had fortified the upper railing to keep anti-aircraft guns as well as heavy weapons teams equipped with heavy bolters as well as rocket launchers to fire upon advancing enemies from the stairs.

The hallway dresser was being used as an aircraft hanger of sorts on the top and the very bottom on the floor had been turned into a garage for all their tanks and land vehicles. Between the gaps in the railings were basilisks artillery pieces ready to bombard any unfortunate bastard that so much as looked at them wrong.

"Governor if you have a moment we are in need of resources," said Stance over the vox radio as his personal chicken walker walks a safe distance next to me.

"Ok will talk about it in the living room as I think everyone else is gonna want stuff too," I say as I walk into my personal library.

* * *

 **Adeptus Archives Alpha A.K.A The Personal Library**

Inside the room, there are 8 bookshelves 2 on each wall each one holding around a 100 books. If you remember my grandfather is the one who owns the place, he has a habit of collecting stuff and never wanting to get rid of it. And this room proves it as not only are their bookshelves but there are filing cabinet between the bookshelves holding newspapers and magazines going back since the 60's.

And that's not even mentioning the high powered custom PC in the middle of the room attached to 4 towers all equipped with custom hardware to make them function at peak efficiency as well as the access to the data facility underneath the house. Ya, remember when I said there was only a basement and a sub-basement, ya I lie about that. See my grandfather is a man the requires the best or else he feels like he ain't at his best. So when he heard about a yottabyte, well let's just say it's a good thing his company could buy out Apple, Gazprom, and Allianz at any time. Cause that data center costs bullshit amounts of money.

"Quick grab the machine oils we must please the machine spirit," says Alexander.

 _And currently, a computer with more processing power and storage than Google is in the hands of the Mechanics_ , I think. "What are you guys doing," I asked hoping they haven't damaged anything.

"Ah Governor Jäger we are currently trying to please the machine spirit," the Magos says as his techpriests are gathering oils.

"It doesn't need pleasing, it's a machine, not a person here let me show you," I say as I walk over and begin typing in the password. "Anytime you guys need to get on here the password is Asimov, I'll make sure to write it down for you guys," I say as I change it from the lock screen to the home screen. As I change screens and open google for them, most of the technophiles start gasping in surprise.

"Truly Governor you must have been blessed by the Omnissiah," says Alexander as some of the other techpriests start bowing to me and calling me the herald of the machine god.

I sigh "Just make sure you guys don't do anything to get a virus on it," I say as I get up to leave. These guys had most of their walkers or "Titans and Knights" as they called them on some of the bottom shelves of the bookcases and had been using some of the thinner books as steps. "Oh also guys if you need any supplies there will be a meeting in the living room for requisition orders," I say as I leave the room. But most are already too busy looking at pictures of mechs and 'ancient' electronics.

* * *

 **Railing Gates (Hallway)**

I go back into the hall or the "Railing Gates" as most of the Imperial Guard forces have been using the railing as gun batteries and they like to think they're guarding the 'gates' to me personal space. They like to think of it as a high honor I personally think it's adorable. The little guys are all about doing training drills and routing marches. I try and make my way to the spare bedroom where the forces of the Ecclesiarchy and the Inquisition are held up

* * *

 **Spare Bedroom**

As I make it in I am greeted with the site of four miniature flamethrowers pointed at my feet.

"Well this is a fine how do you do," I say as I turn to my right to the nearby dresser. "This how you treat all your hosts?" I ask. The Sisters of Battle had taken up the area around the door for their own while the Inquisitorial forces had decided to take up the area around the window sill and the Grey Knights

"We are sorry Governor Jäger, we thought you were the heretics trying to conduct foul warp craft," speaks Victoria.

"It's fine I understand your guy's distrust and suspicion I had a respectable amount of that over in Afghanistan," I say for the first time mentioning my military background to any of these minis.

"Afghanistan?" questioned the Canoness.

"It's a country I fought in while I was in the army," I answer not really in the mood to discuss my past. Like any vet reliving those days is something I would rather not do. "Are you guys in need of supplies of any kind?" I ask hoping to get off this talk and onto what I originally came here for.

"Actually we could use some better living quarters," spoke Thawn who appeared from the retreating frame of a valkyrie. "As this room is hardly what I would call satisfactorily, looks more like a commoner's hut," he spoke in a higher than thou voice.

"Well if there's anything you need make a list and bring it to the living room," I say bluntly already sick of the noble-born jackass.

"We will begin to make a list momentarily governor and thank you for such hospitality," says Victoria.

"Your welcome sister," I say as I leave to check on the space marines.

* * *

 **Governor's Training Hall (Weight Room)**

As I enter the door I notice 2 things. 1: They are currently trying to build their base on my weight bench. 2: They are trying to push my weights off of their racks. "What on earth are you doing?" I ask.

"Were trying _ugh_ to move these _ugh_ Emperor damned metallic boulders," spoke Ultramarine Marcus as he and the rest of the space marine commanders and a dreadnought are trying to push a 20-pound weight its rack. Unlike most weight racks mine doesn't have any space in the middle and isn't slanted instead being three rows of flat pieces of metal.

"Here let me do it before you all get a hernia or whatever your guys equivalent is," I say. Most of last night when I was escorting the minis to their rooms I got brief tidbits of knowledge about their history and some of the stuff I should know about like weapons or vehicles. And I have to say from the way they described their lives in their universe it makes some warzones look like a Sunday school gathering by comparison.

" _ugh_ Thank you, Titan, I was getting sick of the ultrasmurfs whining," spoke Tyr. Last night they had found one of my old smurf plushie when I was a little kid in the study. They all thought it was the most unintimidating thing imaginable and some of the other minis have used it as an insult to the Ultramarines. Apparently, their chapter are full of glory hounds and are just insufferable at times.

"Say that detestable insult one for time wolf and I will show you what this so-called smurf can do," spoke Marcus as he prepared to throw down with Tyr.

"Bring it on you blueberried milksop," spoke Tyr as he was now literary butting heads with Marcus.

"Alright enough you two and will someone tell me why you are trying to move my weights, and could you also stop building you base on my bench?" I ask getting sick of this little schoolyard argument bullshit.

"Well governor we were gonna use this rack as you call it to house are aircraft on, and as for the bench it is one of the most tactical positions in the room in case of invasion," speaks Asad as he is currently fixing the hull of a nearby dreadnought.

"Ya it may be but I use that bench to work out on so please move construction and if you want an aircraft platform here," I say as I pull down a spare weight rack that I had for when I got some more weights. "Use this it's the same thing but with the added benefit of having nothing on it already," I say as I move the minis over to the other rack and put the 20-pound dumbbell back.

"Thank you, governor, and very well we will not build on top of your bench, we will instead build underneath it," spoke Willhelm as he and the rest went to relay the message to the servitors constructing the base.

 _Well at least I can still workout_ , I think. I was trying to get them away from the bench so I could workout without and disruptions, but this will have to do. "If you guys are in need of supplies, there will be a meeting in the living room," I say as I leave the room.

* * *

 **The Attic**

As I pull down the ladder to the attic, the guardsmen guarding the area began to warn me. "Careful governor you can never be too careful when it comes to Chaos," speaks Commissar Ward.

"Thanks for the heads up, but I'll be fine besides if they try anything I have the vacuum up there to get them with," I say as the guardsmen around me were confused but assumed this 'vacuum' was a weapon of some sort. I make my way up the stairs and poke my head through the opening. As I do a battle axe almost hits my nose as I look to see a bloodthirster preparing for another swing. _Not this shit again_ , I think. All of last night these daemons had been trying to mess with me the entire time I tried to get them up into the attic.

These bloodthirsters and bloodletters were trying to cut me down with their axe, but mostly gave me paper cuts and some slight scars. The lords of change and horrors tried to tempt me with all kinds of secrets and promise of power. The great unclean ones and plaguebearers were the most friendly of the bunch and the only thing they did was give me a slight fever. But the keepers of secrets and the daemonettes were the really weird ones, some were trying to whisper sweet nothings into my ear and others were trying to get in my pants. And I mean literally trying to find a way into my pants.

"Alright that's enough out of you," I say as I flick the bloodthirster away as I fully make my way into the room. I look around and see the attic has been in a sensed color coated. The area around the opening is mostly surrounded by the forces of chaos undivided. The northeast is home to the forces of the god Khorne. The northwest of the attic is home to the forces of the god Nurgle. The southwest is home to the forces of Tzeentch. And finally, the forces of Slaanesh made their home at the southeast corner of the room.

" _And here I thought he would have at least cut off some of your hair Titan so much for a daemon of Khorne_ ," speaks the Daemon Prince Chenmus.

"Where is Zythor at?" I ask trying to talk to this guy the least. In all honesty, this guy creeps me out the most. The eyes are my biggest thing as they seem to be almost snake-like slits, cool but still creepy when they're not your eyes you're seeing.

" _He is currently in a ritual to try and contact any of the dark gods_ ," Chenmus says nocturnally as he looks at himself in the reflection of his armor. " _Why what do you need of him_ ," he asks without a care in the world.

"I came to tell you guys there will be a meeting about any supplies you guys need in the living room," I say as I start to descend the steps while checking if I got any strays on me and pluck a few daemonettes from my hair.

* * *

 **The Study**

I made my way down the steps and through the living room to the study. I had told the minis that the living room was a neutral zone and that there would be no large bases here, but I did allow them to keep outposts no larger than a drink coaster just to let them have some watch over it and to stop their whining.

I enter the study and find the Dark Eldar looking through my computer. "What are you guys doing?" I ask hoping they haven't bought anything.

"We are trying to access on this infernal device something known as the 'dark web', we were told we would be able to request things we need from their," said Draka frustrated over the computer bringing up error after error.

"And who the hell told you that?" I ask. The last thing I need is to be arrested for these guys habits.

"Your primitive informational collective known as 'Wikipedia', this Wikipedia told us we could watch torture and other desirable acts from there," Draka said.

"Ya, no you guys are not accessing that," I say as I unplug the computer. _I really don't want to come home one day and have a package that might have a severed appendage in it_ , I think. "If you have any requests for stuff there will be a meeting in the living room, so make a list," I say as I leave without hearing the rantings of the diminutive little space elves.

* * *

 **Main Floor Bathroom**

I make my way into the main floor bathroom which is now the home of the Eldar. They apparently wanted to the place due to its white tiles and general aesthetic. They had reperfused my bath as a hydroponics station and had been building a base on the sink counter.

"What do you need human?" speaks Ilamoth contempt in his voice.

"Just seeing if you guys need anything," I say trying to be peaceful to the arrogant prick. Ever since I meet him he's been mister high and mighty thinking that he's the superior one. _But who' the one that needs who here_ , I think as that's the one thing about this relationship. I don't need him, he needs me.

"Were fine mon'keigh, we don't need your assistance," he says insulting me.

"Ilamoth he may be able to help," speaks Taenar some urgency in her voice.

"Then speak to him yourself I have to lead our people," Ilamoth says.

 _He is such an ass_ , I think. I don't think I have ever met anyone more stubborn.

 _He was not always this way, he was once more understanding and patient_ , Taenar speaks to me telepathically.

 _What the hell happened to him then_ , I ask.

 _He took up his path, the path of command, of becoming an Autarch, the decisions of leadership weigh heavy on him_ , speaks Taenar.

 _Hmm I can understand that, leading a force of any size is stressful_ , I say. I know the feeling since I was a Lieutenant in the Marines.

"If you need anything just come to the living room I will be making a list of all that you need," I say as Taenar nods in understanding and I walk out.

* * *

 **Da dark 'ole (Basement)**

I walk down the basement steps as the sounds of gunfire and explosions rigout. I try and bribe them, they still fight. These little green monsters won't stop fighting. I tried to threatening them to stop, they fight. I kill some, and they still fucking fight!

After a while, I just said fuck it and let them fight each other as long as they don't break anything.

"Skullmuncha wear are you!" I yell over the fighting. The Orks had repurposed some of the empty cardboard boxes into makeshift bases with bits of metal and sometimes smoke coming out of them.

"Ova ere boss jus taken kare uv dis grot," said the warboss as he is currently holding up a slightly smaller ork and is unloading the mag of his twin-linked shoota into the unfortunate ork while screaming 'DAKA DAKA DAKA'.

The Orks had been in a sort of civil war. There are 5 factions all fighting for control of 'da warlord'z favor' I.E they are trying to gain my attention (Notic me'z boss sempi, sorry couldn't help it). They all are from large clans apparently. You have the Goffs, Deathskulls, Bad Moons, Snakebites, and finally Skullmunchas warband.

"Wot do ya need boss?" Skullmuncha asks as he backhands another ork with the dead ork he had in his hands.

"There's gonna be a meeting in the living room for if you whatever you need, so make a list and bring it with you to the meeting," I say.

"Got it, boss, wez tell ya wot bitz wez need an yous gets dim," says Skullmuncha as he jumps into another mini mosh pit of green limbs.

I quickly make sure my washer and dryer aren't full of holes or blast mark and I head upstairs.

* * *

 **Dining Room**

I head into the dining room as I leave the basement. I had the Tyranid force hold up here because they at first wanted my kitchen, and the last thing I want is those space locusts eating all my food.

"Lord Lucifer, to what do we owe the pleasure," said Lucus in his naturally smooth silver toughened way.

"Well I'm here to tell you that we will be holding a meeting in the living room for any supplies you guys are gonna need during your stay," I say as I look to see what they have done. The nids had made the corner near my lounge chair I had put in here to relax and read. They had built a living spire of flesh and bone running along the walls corner going up it about as tall as a toddler.

"Ah yes we had been meaning to ask for more biomass as we have had to convert some of our forces into biomass to construct the spire," said Lucus.

"Well if you got anything else that you need put it on a list and come to the living room," I say as I step over Carnifexes and Trygons and head into the kitchen.

* * *

 **Nutrition Storage Complex (Kitchen)**

"Greeting Commander, would you like a bowl of these nutrient-rich processed grains, they seem to be very tasteful?" asks Spider as he munches on a Lucky Charms oat with some of the other Tau forces.

"Ya that would be a nice start to my day as well as a cup of joe," I say as I start up my coffee machine. As I am searching for I look to see they have been building a base on the kitchens island next to my fruit bowl. Troops doing exercises and drones constructing buildings with aircraft zooming around doing patrols and practicing aerial maneuvers.

"Then allow us to prepare some," Spider said as two XV107 battlesuits lift up the box of Lucky Charms into a bowl they had already placed down. They then try and open the fridge to get to the milk.

"I'll get the milk guys," I say as I open the fridge fully and grab the milk. "Also there is also a meeting happening soon in the living room for the requisition of supplies, If you guys need anything come by and tell me what you need," I say as I began to pour my milk and grab a spoon to eat.

"Excellent news commander, we were just about to ask for some resources but we will go over what we need and bring a list to the meeting," speaks Spider.

I soon grab my bowl and my freshly filled mug and head into the garage where I am keeping the necrons. Or at least I would if the door didn't open somehow and Sahumkah come out on a catacomb command barge.

"We have already heard about this meeting human," spoke the metallic mummy.

"And how did you do that?" I ask wondering how they found out.

"Are scarbs have been investigating your air ducts and overheard your conversions with the other factions," he spoke in his cold robotic tone.

 _Ok that makes a lot of sense_ , I think as I step back to let him pass and head to the living room.

* * *

 **Living Room**

As I head into the room I set my breakfast down on the accent table and turn on the tv and grab a pen and a notepad from the drawer in the table.

"Governor what is this CNN they speak off," asks a guardsmen who is stationed at the listening post on the accent table.

"Just a biased news station, for the liberal bigwigs," I say as I eat my breakfast. While I'm not a stickler for a lot of things I personally hate biased news and political parties in general. They divided us too much.

"Governor we are prepared to give you are requisition orders," speaks general Stance. I look down and I see that all the main leaders have appeared on my coffee table and have either pieces of parchment or electronic tablets.

"Ok guys where do we start?" I say as I grab my notepad and pen.

* * *

 **Ok guys an end to another chapter, I hope you guys like the little names I gave to some of the rooms for the factions.**

 **Also, I know the chapter is a bit dry or at least in my opinion but I'll be honest this story is starting to make me lose steam. But that I think is mostly due to my week being kind of crap and myself needing a break.**

 **I don't think I'll give up on this story, but possibly a longer absence from it than normal.**


	3. Requisition Day

**Welcome back to another chapter of this wonderful little story. Ya guys sorry got cought up in 4th demenstional warpfuckery. But while I have been gone you guys have asked questions so let's get to those.**

 **frankieu:** A shopping day with these guys is hell let me tell you.

 **imperialwar1234:** Big E coming in the story? No. 40k existing? Yes.

 **Just a guest:** Thanks and pretty sure I fixed it.

 **Ayman El Kadouri:** You got it.

 **shadow:** Thank you

 **Devv:** Thanks I tried to make each as unique as possible and make sure names kinda fit where their from. And the bases I just flipped coins for mostly, they could be interchangeable with a lot of the factions.

 **Priceless22:** Thank you I try.

 **sonic:** Thanks.

 **Notsae:** Oh no doubt none of these guys would not try to stab one another unless we have Luc to make them hug it out so to speak.

 **Blaze1992:** Thank you I am glad to know that people actually find my work funny when I want to be, I honestly just write down what I think of first and hope for the best. And yes I too am sick of all the Harry Potters and Naruto's that get put in these situation. I understand that they are popular characters but come on guys to we need 500 0f the same fanfic over and over again. But I am not here to rant and so thank you for your review I appreciate it.

 **Kargan3033:** Thank you wasn't sure if I felt like I was rushing it or not.

 **Now onto the show**

Normal speech

Thinking speech

Orky speech iz bestest speech ya gitz

Daemon speech of Nurgle, **Khorne** , TzEeNTcH, _and Slaanesh._

 _ **Emphasize speech/thinking**_

 **Chapter 3: Requisition Day**

"No," I say, "No, you can not have the still beating heart of a virgin," I finish as I am currently sitting in my living room trying to explain to the Dark Eldar why they can't have that.

"I do not see why not, it is a fairly simple request, that even one such as you could complete," spoke Archon Drara letting out some of his 'mightier than thou" attitude that is universal for any Eldar.

So far before before the Dark Edar, the requests had been fairly simple and reasonable. The Marines and most of the other Imperial forces just wanted food as well as extra materials to construct with as I only have so many old legos. The Mechanicus had asked for more technology to study, and with that being so vague all have to see what I can find at a dollar store. The Guard had asked for a request for what they call 'recaff', which I can assume is coffee. Although one guardsmen nearly had his head blown off when he suggested alcohol be added, but before Commissar Ward could grab his blot pistol I said that might be negotiable. And with that I swear I could see a glint of excitement in Ward's eye. The Inquisitorial and Ecclesarcal Forces were much the same.

Eldar and the Tau had only requested food, with the Tau also asking for materials. The Orks gave me a headache when all they asked for was 'bitz an grub', but at least it's simple. The Necorns just wanted some sort of power source as they were slowly running low on energy for not only their tomb but also for the other necron units. And finally the Tyranids wanted as they put it quote "As much biomass as possible" end quote.

"I am not having either Homeland Security or the FBI knocking on my door and asking about severed body parts, I rather like not living in a prison cell," I say to Drara. "I can get you the food and probably something else so think of something that isn't illegal for me will you," I say as Drara just huffs in annoyance. "So what do you guys want?" I questioned Chaos as they were the last on my list.

"We require the obvious basic necessities such as food and materials but their are also a few other items we would request," Zythor continued. "As we can not have any body parts of any kind we would request at least 500 gallons of blood, tomes of ancient knowledge, and…"

"I'm sorry but how many gallons of blood now!" I cut Zythor off. _Were in the hell am I gonna find that much blood_ , I think.

"500 gallons worth, we require this amount to see if we can get incontact with any of the gods to find a way out of this place," spoke Zythor

"Ya that's not gonna happen either," I say bluntly.

"But how else are we supposed to indicate are dark rituels," spoke Zythor slightly whined.

"The most I could probably give is a full package of blood and that's of my blood," I say as while I can't just go to the local blood bank and just ask for 500 gallons of blood, I can buy a few bags and just fill them up myself. _Besides even if I could just buy blood packs who in the fuck is gonna have 500_ _ **gallons**_ _of blood to sell_ , I think to myself.

"And how much blood would that be?" the Dark Apostle asked.

"Anywhere between 1 to 1.5 liters," I say.

" _ **1 liter**_ we could barely get a mindless fury to notice us with that let alone!..." Zythor tried to rant but I interrupted him.

"Take it or leave it man that's all I can do for right now," I say.

Zythor just huffs and broods, after a good 20 seconds he final speaks. "We will begrudgingly accept," his voice full of contempt as he stands their arms crossed and broods some more.

"Good now with that out of the way, I will be leaving for the market with what I have here so you guys behave while i'm gone," I say as I get up to grab my keys and jacket.

"Governor we would request that we join you on this requisitions run to this 'market' you speak of," spoke Inquisitor Stance.

"As would I as well titan," spoke Tyr.

"I like'z to go to boss," Skullmuncha spoke up as well.

"As would I.." before anyone else could say a word I spoke up.

"No you guys are gonna stay here and behave the last thing is for any of you to try to go exploring and get yourselfs caught," I say as I start to put on my jacket. I run up to my room to grab my keys.

While our protagonist of this stories goes to grab his essentials, let's see what is going through the heads of these little buggers.

 _While I respect the Governors reasoning this is far too important of an opportunity to do some essential recon of the region_ , thought General Stance as he quickly traveled to the imperial guard post on the coffee table.

 _As much as it would be unwise to disobey the Governor Lukes order I must send a few scouts as to make sure that the xenos or the herictes do not try anything_ , thought Bleier as he activated his vox hailer in his suit.

 _It would seem the gue'la are going to disobey Commander Lukes orders hmm what could they be up too_ , thought Shadowstrike as he activated the thrusters of his suit to head back to the rest of the Tau forces.

 _Ah mee noez nows, da boss iz tryin' ter test are sneakin' skills well we'll show 'im, why da Orks are da bestest at sneakin' an stabin'_ , thought Skullmuncha as he quickly grabbed a nearby grot and proceeded to give him his orders.

 _These xenos are up to something, I can feel it,_ thought Thawn as he quickly sent a message to the assassinorum.

 _It seems that the others are making their plays, hmm very well we shall too_ , thought Zythor as he quickly teleported away.

Now back with the story's protagonist as he walks back down stairs.

As I get to the bottom of the stairs I look to all the forces around me. "Now while I'm gone I don't want anyone fighting, I would rather not come back to my house to the mess it was last night," I say as there's still a scorch mark and mini bullet holes in the walls all over the place. _Note to self stop by Home Depot to get something for all this._

I grab my bag and walk over to the door. As I open the door I hear a loud bark and i'm blindsided by Buck and drop my bag. "Get off of me fatass," I say as my dog just sits there on top of me. I finally push him off as I notice about every mini in sight just freezes. "What's gotten into all of you?" I ask obviously confused.

"Governor I don't mean to alarm you but that is a very dangerous canine you have in your possession," spoke Stance says up to me.

"Really," I say rolling my eyes.

"That monster turned one of are Baneblades into nothing more than a glorified hunk of scrap after it started chewing it, I can still hear those mens screams of terror," said Stance as he looks off into space.

I turn form Stance to Buck who is ingloriously licking his own balls. "Ya Buck really is…..ferocious," I say awkwardly as I have literally seen this dog run away from a squirrel. Still seeing that the minis are terrified I say. " _sigh_ Ok Buck I am only gonna say this once do not try and eat the dementive little space people and you can have the bacon privileges again, understood?" I ask. As soon as I said bacon he rears up from his ball licking and raises his paw as to give a salute or at least as much as a dog could give.

"Good, don't worry guys he won't mess with you while i'm gone," I say as I grab my bag and head towards the door. "And if you're still worried about him, just make sure you done smell like food and you should be good," I say as I shut the door and head for the car.

But what Lucifer didn't know was that their was small groups of minis crawling into multiple openings within the bag.

* * *

 **With the Mini Recon Forces**

The loose group of 4 Cadian kasrkins, 2 scout marines, and a vindicare and callidus assassins were selected to make up the imperial forces investigating the land beyond the house. "This recon squad alpha, vox check," spoke the head kasrkin.

"This scout marines Maculus and Ulvic," responded the ultramarine scout.

"Assassin's are in position," spoke the ghostly voice of the vindicare attached to the recon team.

"Good alpha squad is moving towards what appears to be another entries, we seem to be traveling at top a strange substance," spoke the head kasrkin. "Substances appears to be blue and soft to the touch," the kasrkin said as he touched the strange material his squad had stumbled upon.

"Sir there seems to be some sort of writing inscribed over here," spoke another kasrkin.

"Well what's it say," spoke the head kasrkin.

"I can't quite tell, I think it says Luc.." the kasrkin tried to say before his face meet with the butt of his rife.

As the kasrkin squad had been making their way through the strange blue landscape, they were ambushed by 4 tau in XV15 stealth suits. Each tau holding their burst cannons pointed at each kasrkin. "Don't move gue'la, if you surrender now you will be treated with respect," spoke the stealth suit leader trying to be peaceful.

But before any of them could say a word the eruption of gunfire sounded off within the enclosed space and bullets whizzed pass them.

"Ya stoopid grot, we'z sapost ta be sneaky," spoke a not so subtle voice of a ork.

"We'z ain't sneaky if we'z kovered 'n blue dough," spoke another ork.

But before anything else happened it would seem that gravity had decided to take a break as they seemed to have been lifted up, then down and face with a bright light and a softish landing.

* * *

 **Back with Lucy**

I walk to my car, start it up, and start to drive to the Blackborow Supermarket. But as I get about a quarter of the way their I start to hear shooting and yelling coming from my bag. With a sigh of frustration and of annoyance I stop at the next light and grab my bag and flip it upside down. And low and behold what do I find but a total of 20 minis. 2 marines, 4 guardsmen, 2 assassins, 4 orks, 4 tau, and 4 chaos raptors. How do I know their raptors? Well I had to swat a few of them when they wouldn't get of my chandelier last night, pesky little buggers.

"I am only gonna say this once, what the fuck are you doing in my car?" I say menacingly cause I am trying to get stuff done and the last thing I need is to babysit them while doing it.

"Umm you see Governor we came along, too umm, make sure you would be protected," spoke one of the guardsmen as he obviously lied through his teeth.

"You can cut the shit soldier just tell me who sent you all and why," I say getting down to the point.

"Well sir the general sent us here to do some recon," said the guardsmen.

"Commander Bleier wanted to make sure that the xenos and herictes did not try anything with you while away from your lodgings," spoke one of the marines.

"As did Inquistator Thawn, he suspected that the xeno scum was up to no good," spoke the vindicare assassin. Strange one those guys, the other night when I took their forces to their room they kept eying my old Winchester I had hanging in that room. Now while it might not have been loaded I made the smart decision and placed the rife in my gun cabinet rather than have it out in the open for these guys to try and mess with.

" _Us_ gue'la, your Imperial is more now for strong arming many leaders and factions into following your ways, we only came along to make sure that Commander Jäger had the option of decline any offre you made," spoke one of the tau stealth suits.

"As did our group, we were sent by Lord Zythor to try and dissuade you from the imperia dogs and tell you of all the benefits Chaos can offer," spoke who I can assume is the raptor squad leader.

"Ok that explains them but what about _you_ four," I say to the four orks trying to hid themselves with mini tree branches.

"Boss Skullmancha, said dat ya woz testin' us on ow sneaky we'z iz," spoke the only ork who was hiding in a barrel that fit his size with his eyes peeking out of the top lid.

 _Must resist urge to crush Smullmancha when I get back_ , I think to myself as I am gonna probably have to deal with a lot of this kind of shit in the future (Oh you don't know the half of it).

Before I can scold them, a car behind me starts honing and I realize that I am still in traffic and that the light is green. I quickly drive away and continue down the road to my destination. "Fine but if you are all traveling with me to the market you all have to stay in the bag and behave, understood," I say giving them a quick glare to emphasises the point. With the roaring sounds of 'yes sir', 'understood commander', and 'got it boss' we continue our drive.

* * *

 **Blackborow Supermarket**

As we pulled into the supermarkets parking lot, the minis took in it's look. The Blackborow Supermarket really does put the super in supermarket. The thing could be more comparable to a mini mall than a supermarket, as the place had two floors and they even rented out certain parts of the building to other local businesses for a small fee of course. "This must be the fabled super centers of ancient Terran lore," spoke one of the Astartes.

"Is my dear house guests it what we call a supermarket, well to be more fair it's closer to a hypermarket really but ehh semantics," I say as I stuff the minis in my satchel bag and we walk into the store.

As we walk through the store we pass by many isles. I grab obvious things such as various foods, ingredients, duct tape (Gonna need a _lot_ of that). Many of the mini's were fascinated by the different products around the place. The tau looked at the many mechanical home appliances and said that this place reminded them a bit of the tau markets of their worlds. The guardsmen all wept with joy at the sight of all the different coffee grounds.

The orks had seen some matchbox cars in the toy isle and thought that they were real and ask me to get us some, I did since what could they do with fake cars (Oh you sweet summer child). But the weirdest of all was the callidus assassin when they saw rows of Barbie dolls, they keep changing their form into different Barbie dolls as we passed by them. When I asked about it all I got was that it was nice to play pretend.

As I finally got the last of the supplies for me and the mini's and head to the checkout line, a thought occurred to me. "I wonder what those little buggers are up too," I say.

* * *

 **With the Mini's at the House**

"Sargent aim for east quatent 4 next to that large mass of plant life," spoke Commissar Ward to the nearby baneblade gunmen.

"Understood Commissar," spoke the gunman as he entered back into the walking fortress that was his baneblade.

"Honestly gue'la I don't know what you hope to gain from this?" spoke Commander Shadowstrike his voice giving away that he did not even want to be here. "This is both unpractical and wasteful display of weaponry discharge," Shadowstrike said as he directed the nearby XV107 R'varna Battlesuit into position.

"I have to agree with the tau, this does seem highly unorthodox even by mon'keigh standards," spoke Autarch Ilamoth as he came out of the downstairs bathroom for the first time since getting here, even if it was only to watch if this blew up in the humans face.

"What you xenos fail to understand about us humans is that we are more than willing to continue to show our superiority in the only way that makes us all equal," he says as he raises his bolter into the air.

"And what would that be mon'keigh," Ilamoth says as he rolls his eyes already knowing the answer.

The commassair smiles. "With a overabundant amount of fire power," he says as he fires his bolt pistol in the air signaling both battlesuit and tank.

As soon as the bolter fired both vehicles of mass destruction unloaded as much fire power into their respective coordinates. The roars of cannon fire and plasma discharge rang throughout the air as both metallic death machines give it all they got.

Eventually, the firing stops, the dust settles, and the land that they chose as their firing range is now scared with the blast marks and burns of 41st-millennium weaponry.

"Besides even xenos such as you have to appreciate a good display of weaponry," spoke Ward as he got a good whiff of the left over smoke from the baneblade. He had always enjoy it's smell, to him it was the smell of victory.

"On that human I will agree but there is a time and a pla...wait does anyone else hear that," Shadowstrike said as he adjusted his helmets sensors.

"Now that you mention it I do hear something," spoke Ilmoth.

Ward now hearing a faint sound off in the distance looks towards the newly make no man's land. The sound seemed to be coming from there, it sounded like buzzing. He squinted trying to make out the figures coming towards them. Slowly his eyes grew larger as he quickly grabbed the nearby vox transmitter. "Wing Commander Marley, I need air support at the back entrance immediately!" spoke Ward as he quickly ran for cover as did the rest of the commanders. "Commissar what's going on..," before she could finish Ward interrupted her. "No time for explanations, I need lighting and thunderbolt fighters at my location now, fuck off you overgrown pest!" Ward spoke as he blamed one of the creatures that tried to grab him in the face with his bolt pistol.

"You just had to have this firing display, didn't you mon'keigh," spoke Ilmoth sarcastically as he ducked underneath another creature.

"Just shut up and fight xeno," Ward says as he revs up his chainsword.

* * *

 **Back with Lucifer**

"Eh I'm sure their fine," I say as I finish checking out. As I make my way to the exit a larger portly man stops me.

"Sorry Luc, I tried to change their minds but…," spoke the portly man before I stopped him.

"It's fine Frank, besides wasn't like I could have keeped the job long anyway," I say as I reach into my bag, make sure all the mini's are in it, and hand him my old working uniform. Yep I used to work here, key word there being _used_ too. And this guy i'm talking to is my former manager Frank. Franks a simple enough guy, he's portly, has a grey handlebar mustache, and a bald head. He may look like the stereotypical angry short guy, but all he asks of his workers is to do their best and to just get the job done.

"And what pray tell are you still doing here?" questioned snobbishly a man too well dressed to be a corporate manager. _Ah yes the very reason I got fired_ , I think as I look at this snake in human skin. Standing before me is a man, although overgrow child would work better. He is a few inches shorter than I am and he has greasy slicked back blonde hair. His suit is too high priced for his position a it seems to be made of cotton and silk and would be more at home at a ballroom.

"Just turning in my old uniform and buying some groceries, don't worry princess you can get back to sitting on your ass in a bit," I say giving no fucks to this little shit. Why am I hostile to him you might ask? Well this guy is Martin Blackborow and like I said he's the reason I got fired. I didn't do nothing major really, but it seems that pretty boy never had someone give him criticisms in his whole life. Because as soon as I tried to explain why you can't just move excess fruit and vegetables to the freezer section, he goes into a huffing fit and says what would I know about produce. Anyway the little shit sent a letter to the head managers to fire me, and sense he is the grandson of the CEO of Blackborow Supercenters they decided it was best to fire me then anger their boss's grandson.

"Hmph yes well I am also going to inform you that you are banned from the Blackborow Supermarket, you should really think twice before you mouth off to your betters," he said with a snide smirk like he had accomplished something.

"Oh no whatever shall I do, it is not like their is another supermarket or two that I could go too," I say sarcastically as their are plenty of places that I can go to for anything else I need. The only reason I bought from here is because it literally has everything in one place and I was able to use the last of my employee discount as technically I was only fired as of right now.

Bitchborow gives me a sneer. "Whatever just be get going or I will have to ask security to 'escort' you out," he says as he walks away.

"I'm sorry Lucy, I tried to get the other managers to reconsider but..," Frank tries to apologize again but I cut him off.

"It's fine Frank you did all you could and like I said it's not that big of a deal I can find another job," I say as I pat him on the shoulder and he nods and walks away.

As I turn to push my full cart out I can hear, "Vindicar aim for the rusted screw in that ladder over their," I hear one of the marines say. Before I can even sound a word, a small muzzle flash escapes my bag as a bang is heard as the ladder they were aiming at falls apart and tips over. Incidentally Bitchborow was right beside the ladder and is now slightly crushed and is screaming for assistance as he tries to get out from under the broken ladder.

"Thanks guys, but I can handle dipshits like him," I say knowing the mini's did it because he disrespected me.

"Even so Governor, it would be unhonorable for us not to do something to that disgrace of a leader," spoke one of the asartes as the other mini's cheer in agreement or in the orks case just cheer at the destruction.

We eventually pack all the supplies up and make are way back to the house. As I go to unlock the front door I hear the sounds of gunfire and the flashes of lights (Huh déjà vu). I groan as I open the front door and find that the mini's are fighting. To my surprise they aren't fighting each other, they are instead fighting yellowjackets.

Both Imperial, Tau, and Eldar fighters dogfighting with the yellow pests, narrowly dodging stingers and angry bodies. The guardsmen on the second floor are currently laying down machine gun and anti-air fire onto any of the pests that get too close to the second floor. Heldrakes and harridans are colliding and falling in mid-flight with many of the yellowjackets, both opponents biting, stabbing, and clawing at one another until one dies or they both hit the floor. And as Buck runs past trying to eat a wasp or two, I see that the Orks have climbed onto his back and are hanging onto his fur while firing at anything remotely yellow.

"What the fuck is this!" I yell as I nearly doge a few fighters and swat some oncoming yellowjackets.

"Governor thank the Emperor your her these blasted pests are everywhere," spoke the vox enhanced voice of Cannones Victoria as she and some of the other sisters of battle had taken refuge on the dining room table flamers roasting any of the wasps that came to close.

"How many of these foul creatures are there, we kill a few and they just keep coming, it like fighting the nids," spoke Ultoris as he and some of the other imperial psykers blasted yellowjackets left and right with bolts of eldritch energy or just blasting them to pieces with pure psychic power.

A warlord titan soon rounded the corner as it's vox speakers came online. "Long range sensors indicate that there is anywhere between 5,000 to 10,000 individual cases of these creatures," spoke Alexander over the vox speakers as the titan fire a few of the wasps. "Fascinating they seem to be the extinct species of ancient Terran Vespidae, truly this will be a educational experi…," Alexander tried to ramble on before he was cut off.

"For the love of the Emperor stop talking and start shooting," spoke Willhelm who was also within the titan along with Alexander. At this the many guns of the titan began to fire as most of the bugs had now been turned to swiss chess from the onslaught of fire power.

I quickly head towards the kitchen as I see many of the tau weapons firing at the horde of wasps. I duck under most of the fire with only a few of the wasps even noticing me as I close the back door. After a few more minutes of firefighting the mini's had won their first battle since being transported into my house.

"Alright now that that's over with, would someone kindly tell me what happened?" I question some of the mini's gathered onto the dining table. After the fighting most of the wasps were either dead, be used for skeet shooting practice by the vindicare assassins, or were being corralled into cages by the Dark Eldar.

"We had a battle of great proportions Governor," spoke Commassair Ward as he had a guardsmen take his photo as he pridefully posed with his chainsword in the the head of a yellowjacket.

"Ok then care to explain why there was a entire nest of yellowjackets flying around my house," I demand from the Commassair.

He cleared his throat and said. "Well you see Governor we were all participating in a friendly and entirely saf…,".

"The mon'keigh caused the swarm to attack," Ilmoth interrupted as he appeared from no wear and pushed Ward under the bus.

"Bullshit it was if anything it was the Tau's strang xenos weaponry that caused those creatures to appear!" yelled Ward.

"You were the one to suggest the display of firepower gue'la not I," defended Shadowstrike.

Before these guys try and kill each other I step in. "I doesn't matter now who caused it i'm just glad you guys were fighting something else than each other," I say tiredly as this has been somewhat of a stressful day. "Look just make sure it doesn't happen again, besides I was gonna have to deal with those pests sooner or later," I continue. "I haven't been able to mow the backyard since those yellowjackets created that nest under the tree, and with how many you guys killed I think I could go out there tomorrow and finish off the rest of them,".

"The Swarlord Tanin would humbly request that you allow him and the rest of hive fleet to take care of them for you Lord Lucifer," spoke Lucas as Tanin accompanied him.

"And whys that?" I question, knowing they get something out of this.

"Due to the amount of biomass we have collected from this small conflict, the hive fleets forces have been back up to 43% of the original attack force," Lucas continued. "In allowing us to undertake this privilege, we would be given the necessary biomass to help reach our original strength but also this would help save on your food storage as we would be feeding on the extra biomass from this encounter,".

"I'll think about it, I have you an answer in the morning cause right now I need some sleep," I say as I turn to leave the room and head upstairs.

As I go I can hear a small argument between Ward and Shadowstrike. "It is still your fault gue'la,". "Oh shut up xeno nobody asked you,".

* * *

 **Well I am a week and a day off from when I said I would post this chapter. But anyway I hope you guys have been enjoying what I have been doing with these guys. I tried to throw some comedy in but I don't know if it was good or not.**

 **Also you guys got to see the first real battle that the mini's have fought in. There will be more, but they will be later on in the story like probably around chapters 6 or 7 maybe (I make no promises).**

 **I will try and show off as many characters and give each faction their screen time but with this large of a cast of characters, that may be easier said than done.**

 **Also I don't mean to be that guy but I would love to see a TV Tropes page of this story , I am interested to see what you guys would say on there. You guys don't have to do, but I would like to see it to see what you guys can come up with.**

 **But with that I hope you have enjoyed this, Gaslight88 signing off.**


	4. School Days

**Welcome back, I know I have been gone for a while and if you're looking for an answer...I don't have one. I am just a really bad procrastinator who gets easily distracted, but as I'm on the last few days of my vacation I had the chance to get back into things. I was actually gonna post this yesterday, but it was April Fool's and I didn't want you guys to think it was fake. Anyway on to the questions.**

 **Notsae:** To answer in order. Maybe I mean most of these guys don't have the best survival rate, to be honest. They might not be able to handle it but...well just wait and see. And for the nids, I mean in any other substance you'd be right but I have a little workaround for that.

 **Blaze1992:** …...Well, there's subtlety and surprise gone right out the window.

 **Ollanius Pious:** No it does not have a name and if it did I'm pretty sure only the crew would know it and all that other stuff is too much for me to keep track of I'm afraid. But you're not wrong one can never have enough baneblades.

 **Zigga:** Simple answer. Yes. In-Depth answer. For the sake of brevity, I am gonna say yes as I'm just gonna say that due to them being human they still know what a gallon might be.

 **Kargan3033:** I'm 50/50 on whether or not I might kill him off or not. But not before I use him again and also thank you for the compliment as I didn't know if I did well on the battle scene. I am hoping to do more of them in the future.

 **Tech priests** : Don't get your servos in a twist this takes time.

 **Belo** : Thank you but this isn't anything too special as there are many others out there who have made similar plot lines but everyone has their own take. But nonetheless, thank you.

 **420 man, abuseatchoum35, and SpecH82** : Thank you three for your words and I hope that I can keep up with your expectations.

 **I can't begin to tell you all how much I am honored of all those who have stuck with this story. And thanks to all of you that like the story so far, I just hope I can continue to live up to your guy's expectations.**

 **Anyway onto the show**

Normal speech

Orky speech iz bestest speech ya gitz

Daemon and daemon prince speech of Nurgle, **Khorne** , TzEeNTcH, and _Slaanesh._

* * *

Chapter 4: School Days

My weekly alarm blares in my ear as I wake up tiredly trying to hit the snooze button. " _ugh_ Here I thought I could catch a break," I say as I get up and get dressed. I open my door after dressing in a nice red blazer, plain white shirt, and some blue jeans. As I open the door I hear the sounds of trumpets and marching, seems that the guard is doing their drills.

"Morning Governor what brings you out this morning," spoke Stance smoking a thick cigar.

"Just getting ready to head out to my classes," I say as I head down the steps.

"Classes? What for Governor, surely you are qualified for a number of positions already?" questioned the aged general.

"It's just to make me more presentable for positions if I have a degree they will more than likely take me on even if the degree isn't quite what they need," I say.

"Why would they do that, it seems highly impractical if you are in need of someone hire those that are needed leave the rest behind," spoke Stance as he followed me in his personal Valkyrie, clearly not seeing why anyone would do this.

"Most people are only worried about how their business looks, but what only a few of us understand is that we need more trade jobs than anything right now," I say as I reach the bottom of my steps and slip on my shoes.

"Lord Lucifer," Lucas continued as he was riding in Goliath Truck driving towards me. "I do not mean to be prudent but I must ask if you have come to your decision on allowing the hive to take care of these pests that have plagued your territory,".

"Governor I would advise you not to allow them this, there's no telling what foul abominations they could make with that much material," Stance continued to advised. "From what the Mechanicus have told me, the Tyranids are able to use the adaptations of whatever they consume to improve upon their design,"

"We are no threat to you nonbeliever, while it pains me to admit that the great minds of the Norn Queens are needed for such adaptations to happen," Lucas continued. "Unfortunately they were on the hive ships when the star collapsed and as they did not appear in the same location as the rest of us, we can not further upon the designs of the great Hivemind,"

 _Well, that was interesting_ , I think as you should never show that you have a weakness in your army. Unless you are trying to appeal to diplomacy. "While I understand your fears general, I am going to allow them to handle the yellowjackets," I continue. "I am going to give you guys the benefit of the doubt here, do not let my trust be misplaced,".

Lucas gives a creepy yet grateful smile. "Thank you, Lord Lucifer, you have made an ally with the Swarm this day," he said as he left to relay the message.

I hear Stance huff and say. "I have to disagree with you on this decision governor, these Xenos can't be trusted,".

"Well think of it like this, this will be a test to see if they can be trusted," I continue as I whisper down to him. "Just keep you men on high alert for the next couple of days, if they do anything they get annihilated and if they don't we know they can be trusted,". I walk over to my back with all my supplies, thankfully I have all my classes in one day (Which is possible, but rare). I then realize that I probably can't leave here without one of these little buggers tagging along. So against my better judgment, I call out. "Alright I am heading out if anyone wants to tag along come out now otherwise I'm leaving,". As soon as I said anyone multiple flying vehicles came barreling towards me and began unloading troops. "Only a few, I am not taking an entire army with me," I say as I swear I could hear cries of aww from some of them.

"I would request that I be a part of this expedition into the wilds of beyond your domain Governor," continued Magos Alexander from the top of the steps. "I wish to document as much of this time period as I can,".

"I will also accompany you as well Titan," spoke Zythor as he rode a heldrake down from the attic.

"If the traitor gets to go we request to go too," spoke Tyr along with Inquisitor Dawn.

"I will accompany the Space Wolf as well, to make sure the heretic does not try to use foul warp powers on you Governor," said the Inquisitor.

"Kan I'z go to boss?," Skullmuncha asked as he seems to have been given some cybernetics 'modifications' if you can call them that. He now has replaced his right eye with a large red cyber eye and walks somewhat on his left knuckles as his left arm is now mostly a giant clawed hand with two shootas on his forearm.

"Will the others behave with you gone?" I ask even though they don't behave with him here anyway.

"Wun sec boss, AHEM oi ya gitz dontz du nuffin to da skwishy an metul gitz while I'z gone!" screamed the warboss.

"Wot about da buggy fings we'z got?" asked a random Nob.

"dey are still gud fer krumpin," spoke Skullmuncha.

"Buggy things, you didn't capture any of the nids did you?" I ask hoping to not have to make peace talks between the two races.

"No boss we'z found dim 'n da Dark 'Ole, deyz neat boss dey got lotz of legs, an are gud at krumpin, an look I'z even got wun uv 'der teef az mi new choppa," he responded as he held up a centipedes fang he had attached to a stick.

 _You know I don't know why I'm shocked by this anymore_ , I think as I move on. "Anybody else cause last chance,"

"I shall also accompany you," voiced Taenar accompanied by a group of howling banshees.

"Let me guess they are coming along as well," I say.

"If da panzy gets ta br'n der gitz den I'z bring'n sum boyz," spoke Skullmuncha then the flood gates opened and everyone else scrambled to get some troops.

Just to get them out the door so I wouldn't be late everyone came with a small unit of troops. Taenar had her howling banshees, Alexander bringing two kastelan robots which is a bit overkill, Thawn "volunteered" some stormtroopers, Skullmuncha took some nobs, brought chaos terminators also overkill, and the furr..I mean Tyr came along with a squad of long fangs. I grab them and stuff them into my backpack as I head towards my first class.

* * *

 **Dormin University**

Dormin University. "The Jewel of the Breadbasket" they call it, the most prestigious college in the entire midwestern US. Let's just say you don't get into this school just because you won the county modern art contest. Don't get me wrong here it's still a place filled with dipshits more worried about partying and getting laid then passing the next exam, but I'll give them props, they at least study for them.

I pull in to the school parking lot as I open my bag one last time to go over the rules with the minis. "Alright, guys remember no one can know about you, so stay in the bag and keep quiet," I say still not entirely on board with the idea of bringing them along. I get a series of confirmations from them that they will behave or at the very least try.

My first class is Behavioral Ecology, which Alexander loved the most, even deleting memories within one of the kastelan robots to store more data. I had Introduction to Medieval History, next which, the Space Wolves decided to pay attention too after my professor got on the topic of medieval Scandinavia.

We had an "accident" by Taenar in the World of Classical Music when she launched a low concentrated blast of lighting at a couple making out a bit too loud for her tastes. Her only excuse was that "The works of the classics, should not be insulted by the youth,". She's just lucky that the professor was more focused on continuing the lesson then to listen to the pleas of the couple that keeps interrupting her.

Up next was Calculus II and after that was Myth and Legends of the World. Calculus was all quiet most of the minis were trying to keep their eyes open while Skullmuncha was trying desperately to figure out the test equation slip I was given and his answer was the color green cause it was the best. Myth and Legends went around the same as Thawn and Zythor were mostly enthralled by the lecture on the Trojan War.

After my last class I decided to head to the campus park as most of the classes morning classes are over and the afternoon classes are starting up. Which makes an excellent moment for me to grab a bite to eat and let the minis out of the bag since most students are gone or are in class. "Alright guys you all got 15 minutes then it's back in the bag and back home for us," I say eating my burger I bought cafeteria on campus. I lay my bag on a picnic table and lay a bag of potato chips open for the minis.

"What on Terra's holy soil is this?" asks Tyr as he sniffs at one of the potato chips.

"A potato chips, some good old sweet-salty goodness," I say as I take a few for myself.

They were hesitant but then the orks started chowing down on as many as they could fit into their mouths and I'm pretty sure just to make sure they didn't get all the food many of the others started to try the chips.

"It is decent, for being made by humans," spoke Taenar being too prideful to admit that humans can make decent food.

"Better than the guard's rations," spoke a random Stormtrooper.

"What was that trooper?" asked Thawn with a hint of a threat.

"Nothing Lord Inquisitor Thawn!" spoke the trooper with fear.

Alexander just stared at the chips. "Unfortunately I have long since lost the need for physical foods, so instead I shall take this and begin studying the contents of this chip," he spoke as he began to grab instruments to study his chip.

Now just too sit back and re…"Sensors indicate large movement coming from the southeast," spoke one of the long fangs.

 _I just had to jinx myself_ , I think as I turn my head just enough to see behind me. Walking through the park, was a woman. Her 5'6 and skinny frame making her look even more meek then her slightly hunched posture and rushed cleaning of her glasses did already. The colleague uniform she wore clearly showed that she was a student and there's something familiar about that long brunette hair with a dyed blue ponytail. And it would seem that she was on a direct course to the table I was sitting at. I quickly turn my head back to the minis, but all but the Thawn, Tyr, and their men had made it back into the bag. But they seemed to be way ahead of me and froze still, and some had seemed it apt to get into action poses.

"H..hey, Mr. Jäger," spoke the new arrival.

 _Well time to play the distraction_ , I thought. I turn to her and say. "Please Mr. Jäger is my grandfather, call me Lucy,"

"Right sorry, I just didn't want to call you Lucifer and make it seem like I was calling you the devil," my new and vaguely familiar acquaintance continued. "And putting off by making you think I was some religious nut, and I just realized I am rambling I am so sorry, I just get like this when nervus an…,".

"It's fine, no need to explain yourself I've met plenty of people how have done the same, Miss…," I interrupt her as I'm trying to figure out where I've seen her before.

"R..right I'm Veronica, Veronica Miller, we have Myth and Legends of the World and Medieval History together," Veronica said.

"Ah yes I thought I had seen you before I just can't remember where tho, sorry," I said adding sorry as thinking back on that it sounded kinda harsh.

She smiled and said, "It's fine we haven't interacted much since the begin of the year, anyway I needed to as..,". She seems to pause as she tried to peer behind me and her green eyes lit up instantly. "Oh are those 40k miniatures!?" she asked, her voice sounding like a kid on Christmas. Before I could say anything she immediately got around to the side of the table to get a closer look. "Wow nice paint job on the furries, you can almost see the metallic shine on the armor, I'm primarily battle with Eldar myself," she continued. "Oh those troopers look great did you get costume orders cause I've never seen them posed like that, and that hair on the inquisitor looks almost lifelike,". She reached out to touch Thawn.

"No, wait!" I said I grab her arm. She looked at me grabbing her arm and looked at me waiting on my answer. "I um just painted them, wouldn't want you to get any on you," I lied quickly.

She quickly had an 'oh' face and said. "Right sorry wouldn't want to mess up your paint job, I understand my little brother would always smug the paint on some of the marine models and they would have the derpiest,".

 _Nice save Luce_ , I think as I give myself a mental pat on the back. "Ya so what did you need from me again," I say trying to distract her away from the minis with a few of them looking a little blue from lack of oxygen.

"I was wondering if I could borrow your notes from your presentation about the parallels between Heracles and Jesus," she continued as she fiddled with her ponytail. "Because Mr. Sorbo will be collecting our in-class notes on our classmate's presentations, and my list of notes got soaked after I had left them outside my balcony,".

"Sure but I'm gonna have to give you them at a later date, I don't have those notes on me," I say.

"Well if it's not too much trouble could I stop by your house sometime this week to grab them, please there due by the end of next week?" she asked pleadingly.

"Sure, just let me know ahead of time," I continue as I grab a napkin and write down my number. "Here's my number, I should be free for the next couple of days,".

She grabs the napkin and looks at it with a nervous smile. "Oh ok ya sure, I'll uh call you sometime" She continued nervously "T..to make sure your free I mean, so umm bye,". She quickly turned around and mumbling something along the lines of 'I can't believe I got his number'.

" _gasp_ Thank the Emperor I thought she would have never left," spoke Thawn as a gasped for precious oxygen.

"This is a prime example sir of why you should wear a mask," spoke one of the stormtroopers.

"And obscure my magnificent face never and what's wrong with my hair!" ranted the inquisitor.

"Clearly this Veronica knows actual beauty and prestige if we are the ones that she'd choose for battle," spoke Taenar with pride in her voice.

"I think the bigger thing to focus on is that she recognized the imperials and possibly knows about many other factions from our time," spoke Zythor.

 _That is something to think on but will get on that when we get back to the house_ , I think as I start to pack up. "Alright everyone let's get out of...wait where are the orks?" I ask noticing that the walking mushrooms are gone.

"We thought they were out here, although the lack of yelling should have been a big hint," spoke Taenar.

* * *

 **Meanwhile with Skullmuncha**

"Awright boyz letz git dis grub back ta da boss," ordered Skullmuncha. After the other ummie came to talk to the boss, Skullmuncha and the boyz did what the boss ordered to do and hide. And did they hide, they hid so well they forgot how far away they had hid from the boss. But as they were about to go on an epic journey to find the boss, one of the gitz smelled something tasty.

So they followed it and low n behold there was a large box with a mountain of bone holding a sea of yellow goop with red islands that tastes almost like juicy squigs. So Skullmuncha had the most brilliant plans of brilliant plans that had ever been planed. They were gonna steal the box and bring it to the boss for a reward, hoping that reward would be the grub inside the box.

"Cumz on ya gitz put yer backz inta it," spoke Skullmuncha as all the orks got underneath the box and lifted with all their might.

As the Orks commit food theft, two up in coming philosophers partake in mind-expanding substances. "Dude I just got the good stuff," speaks Stoner 1 and both him and Stoner 2 light up joints.

As this happens through their eyes they see a walking pizza box singing. "Orks, orks, orks, wez da bestz, orks, orks, orks, green iz bestz,". (Ork marching bands ladies and gentlemen)

"Bro, this _is_ the primo shit," speaks Stoner 1 as his friend contemplates if he should cut back.

* * *

 **With Lucifer**

As I search the surrounding area for the little green shits as I hear the sound of guttural singing as I see a pizza box come around the corner. I quickly block the box's path and lift it up. "'oo du ya tink ya iz ya louzy gi...oh 'ey boss wen'd ya get 'ere," spoke Skullmuncha like he was talking about the weather.

"Bag now!" I harshly whisper as I set my back down quickly. Without even saying anything the orks pile into the bag and I quickly make my way to my car. And since it's not like I can find out who's it is and just say 'sorry my pet green mushrooms sole this', I'm just gonna keep it. Hey never said I was a good guy, besides its pepperoni who can just pass pepperoni.

We make it back to the house and not only are their no light shows this time but everything seems for the moment all quit. "Governor/Commander," speak a mixture of voices.

" _uh_ What?" I groan out as I curse my luck.

"These Xenos will not allow us to partake in using your 'Firestick' for research ancient Terran conflicts," spoke Stance.

"And we are willing to compromise however the Gue'la will not allow us to watch episodes of Mobile Suit Gundam," said Shadowstrike.

 _When the hell did they find out about Gundam_ , I question trying to think who gave them access to the internet.

"Even though their programs will not be available no matter what, and the Drukhari only wish to view the poorly acted mating rituals," finished Shadowstrike.

"OHH YESS AHHH!" a voice moaned from my living room. I head over to see what was going on and find that the dark eldar have decided to leave my totally not hacked Firestick on a random porn channel as poorly acted pron continued too play on screen.

"Honestly mon'keigh if this is what your species considered pornography, then it's no wonder why so many of you scream at the sight of one of our parties," spoke Drara as if he was reviewing a low budget B movie. He lazily laid on my coffee table on a throne while being feed what looked like grapes.

I quickly maneuver around the couch, passed a small crowd of daemonettes that appeared to be enjoying the show. I grab the remote and change the channel. In response I hear a series of disappointed ahs, I was watching that, and thank the Emperor I need a cold shower. "Ok I think we need to review or better define the TV rules for you guys," I say already rubbing my temples for the oncoming headache.

All in all, we came to the decision of an ordered list of who gets what on what days. And when I mentioned recording the episodes of certain series the majority of the complaints stopped instantly.

So every week each army gets 14 hours of access to my Firestick, that does not stack. Plus to compromise I let myself be forced to those rules as well. Unfortunately, the Dark Eldar, a vocal portion of the Chaos forces, and I swear I heard a few sisters even contemplate to allow the viewing of porn. The worst part is they somehow convinced the Orcs that the "ramin ov' skwishy bits" as they call it, is a form of unarmed combat and after that, they were on board.

 _Well at least I don't have any neighbors for noise complaints_ , I think trying to find a silver lining.

* * *

 **Ok, so I know this is super late but I am trying to get back on a schedule. Not gonna lie gonna be a bit cause works been hectic since we have been understaffed. But enough about that on to the chapter.**

 **Hope you guess liked some of the jokes in here, everyone seems to appreciate or at least understand my humor so I'm gonna try and keep it coming.**

 **So I know some people might be confused by this, but yes you can get all your classes scheduled in one day. It is super difficult and depending on the classes it may not even happen, but sometimes the stars align for you.**

 **Also, we have the introduction of a new character of Veronica Miller. Her role in the story is probably gonna be obvious but for those who think she'll just fit that role, will you be surprised….maybe I don't know I kinda write this as I go.**

 **Also, some of you are probably questioning Lucy's morality. Let me get it down straight for you if your confused, Luce is a decent guy. He's not good, but he certainly isn't evil in any way. He has morals but he is willing to bend them sometimes, but not gonna say anything else on that.**

 **Fun Fact the whole comparing Jesus and Heracles line was inspired by an actual project I did in high school talking about Heracles and I found an interesting paper on the many similarities of Heracles and Jesus and how Heracles was probably regarded the same as Jesus in that he was a figure to strive towards and had manny traits that were praised by the ancient greeks like christians due with Jesus.**

 **If you came here hoping for an update date for my other story DxD: Abyss. Well, there isn't gonna be one, but before you freak out let me say I won't abandon the story. I am giving it a break to catch this story up with it. I will get back to Abyss to at least 7-8 chapters, I really need to give this story some love.**

 **Well, I can't think of anything else to say so I hope you have a good day wherever you are and this is Gaslight 88 signing off.**


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